Ph.D. Madness: Vanitas Vanitatum
To what lengths does one go to put three little letters behind one’s name?
I had to think about that this past week as I lined up at my health insurance’s office to ask them whether, now that my funding has run out, I might be granted to make less additional payments on the health services I receive. Alas, they told me that even without any income, I still have to pay up to a certain fee, no matter my financial situation. German health insurances usually take 13% or 14% out of the salary and I told the lady behind the counter they’d be welcome to take a 14% percent of my 0$ income, really. But she insisted I pay that “certain fee”. And then, with another look at my papers, she told me that now that I am past my twenties, I have to pay twice as much monthly insurance fee in general. Effective immediately.
She had that look on her face that said, “At your age, you shouldn’t be a student anymore anyway.”
I told her that I am a Ph.D. student, postgrad twice removed, and she said “Oh? Well, then you have a job and a salary!”
No. I don’t.
I wish I had!
Society at large seems to believe that you get paid for doing a Ph.D., not the other way around. Ph.D. students in Science or Economy are a little more likely to have jobs at their institutes, with fixed salaries (but not quite so fixed hours). My own baby brother gets paid by a lab to do his MA research there (mind you, he didn’t have to ask. They asked him and doubled their offer when he was hesitant). In Humanities, however, you tend to pay for the privilege.
One reason is that the Departments in Humanities simply have less money. Departments that do not amass money and don’t develop methods or formulas that will allow others to amass money are not considered worth funding. The economical value of, say, pondering the anthropologist shift in the way we separate sickness from health does not get anyone any money. It might enlighten you, and enable you to understand more about who you are and how human beings function socially, but really, who needs that? (Sarcasm? Moi?)
At my institute, there are about 25 Ph.D. candidates at the moment. Two of them have small part-time jobs with the Department, the rest gets by more or less with side jobs that leave them no time for their research. A few privileged ones (as I was, for a few years) have scholarships. One has wealthy parents.
The problems start when you hope to make a living in academia, one fine day. It means you need teaching experience and committee experience for your CV. If you’re lucky, you get, after much begging and pleading, a chance to teach a class of BA students or to sit in on some exams and type protocols. But of course, since the Department has no money, you don’t get paid for it. And if you don’t do it regardless, someone else who is just as dumb as you are will jump in and put the things on their CV instead. So you do it, even though it takes up research time and your funding clock is ticking.
At the moment, I probably spend 75% of my time with designing classes, holding consultation hours, sorting through tons of literature for the next syllabus and staying up late to grade student essays. And I love it, sure, but I’d also love to be able to pay my rent. – Time for a paying side job? Not really. And my Ph.D. page count is stagnating.
I know that in almost every business, you start by interning for free. Fine. I interned a lot all through my twenties. But I’m tired of interning as an Assistant Professor at age 30. My students get state assistance, while all I get is a higher health insurance bill. If I hadn’t put some money on the side during my funded years, I’d be at the point now where I would have to give up on my project, simply because I couldn’t afford it any longer. Like this, I do at least have time until the summer until my modest savings run out.
When, after finishing my Masters Degree, my supervisor asked me whether I’d like to get a Ph.D., I was elated and very flattered. Which brings us back to Vanitas Vanitatum (pardon my Latin, but I majored in Baroque Emblematic) – spending all my time researching something I love and getting three fashionable letters to add to my name in the end? “Sign me up!” I said, blinded by the perspective of being Dr. LaChev some day. — Little did I know…
Of course, there are things they don’t tell you when you enlist: That they can’t help you with funding, or give you a side job at the Department. That you have to teach to gain experience, but they have no classes to assign to you. And if they do, that of course you’re expected to hold them solely for the privilege. And that – if your money doesn’t run out before you finish your script and if it does get accepted – you still need to shell out $3000 to have it printed afterwards. You can ask for printing funds, of course, but the applications times take years (of course, you can only apply after your defense). And as long as you haven’t handed in your printed depositary copies at the Department office, you don’t get your Ph.D. title diploma, which in return you need to be able to apply for a post doc or any other academic job.
That means another year without a salary, and then it’s driving from congress to congress and trying to ask smart questions to get your name out there and apply for nonexistent positions no matter in what neck of the woods. Of course, all that also without salary. And by the time you may finally have a salary, you may well be past the age of being able to start a family (unless your salary would allow for huge fertility treatments, but honestly, who wants to be past 60 when their kids are in high school?).
– And the German authorities keep wondering why women in academia don’t get children?! Uhm, because trying for a career in academia doesn’t allow for it, no matter how much you’d like to??
Bottom line: If you’re trying for a Ph.D. and you don’t have a trust fund or marry rich or sleep with the administrate at the Printing Office, you’re screwed (still, at least I don’t have to be able to sing in addition, as Anna Russell points out in her guide to “how to become an opera singer” – although I’ll sign the part about the “independently wealthy, backstabbing bitch”). So if someone offers you to get a Ph.D. with them and hasn’t got the funds to back it up or any connections that might allow you to get into a job afterwards, say no thanks and get a proper job instead. Or you’ll be turning into the bitter Post-Doc in the Ph.D. comics‘ aptly titled “Seminar Bingo”.
And now please excuse me. I need to come up with a witty, sexy headline for my next subchapter while I blog and write fiction to keep myself from going crazy grade essays on the side.
Funny that you post this. Today I had, again, an interesting talk with my family about the “whys” and “how longs” of my diss. And I’m already at that point where I apply for full time jobs now. Would mean a good salary but less time for “my project” – either way, very promising! Argh. Keep going!
I’m afraid I already have a paid job (which does not solve all these problems, either) – hope I am still allowed to post here. It is crazy that there are so many contradictory findings in German politics and bureaucracy. Sure there would be ways to improve the situation if the respective people were allowed to talk.
How is it with PhD guys in the humanities, then? Apart from not getting/having to think too much about children do they have the same problems? How about a revolution?! Where should I sign? Chin up, darling (you too, Rykoe) – remember: We Can Do It. Those three letters will look great in front of your name and on the “German’s Top 100 Ladies”-list.
@Ennis: As far as gender differences go, the first problem is that in the Humanities, you find a much higher amount of female students and also (also less disproportional) more female Ph.D. candidates.
So there are only few men, and they seem to be more likely to make it to the top (hello, boys’ club!)- we all know that by the time we talk post-doc work, the equation has changed and there are a lot more men than women to be found. Talk department chairs, and Germany only has 12% of those occupied by women. A fact that I blame largely on a career policy that is not family-friendly.
If I look at the folks at my university, half of the male Ph.D. candidates I know (Humanities only) are already fathers or expecting, but in all those cases, the mother is not working on a Ph.D. Among the female candidates, none has a child yet.
@Rykoe: good luck on those full time applications. It looks like a smart move, especially if you could still make some “project time” on the side. I hope your family is understanding!
Interesting indeed that women in most-developed countries suffer the same as here, an underdeveloped one. Whether in humanities, scientific or technical fields, if you are a woman, you are supposed to leave aside family issues in order to carry on with your career, whether a Master or a Ph.D. Getting a Ph.D. costs a lot of money, eventhough you are at University of Buenos Aires [UBA], a public state university.
My ex gfd is working on her Ph.D. in history; it was her “dream” since her graduation [about 13 years ago], she works as a teacher in secondary schools, is a non paid assistant at the University [two wonderful entries in her CV, yeah], has published some investigation papers in magazines and last week she told me she is expected to present her script in six months. In a 75% women-students faculty, 65% of the designated-paid professors are men, the same happens with published-books historians.
I sign up for the “revolution” Ms ennisdelmar suggests. And repeat her words too, “Chin up, darling. remember: We Can Do It. Those three letters will look great in front of your name”. Of any woman’s name.
Samantha
@Sam: thank you for the input from the other hemisphere! I’m not sure whether I should find it comforting or scandalous that the same conditions seem to prevail everywhere – unpaid teaching and male-dominated payrolls in particular. Good luck to your ex! (well, only if she’s nice to you, of course…)
Arghhh… your story infuriates me in so many ways. There is something utterly wrong with the system. I consider myself very lucky, I managed to finish my thesis after 9 years of struggle. I was fortunate that one of my research colleagues came through for me and financed my last year with external money from a project I was involved in. Otherwise I would have had to give up on the idea.
Here in the cold North (aka Sweden), Ph. D. students are lucky in a way because in the 90’s the government forced all universities to give us real salaries and your Ph. D. studies is considered a real job. However, the backside of the coin is that: it’s only for 4 years. When you are out of money after 4 years (which often happens before your thesis is finished!) you find out that it’s not really considered a job after all, it’s still considered as studies. Because if you haven’t already published your thesis you don’t qualify for unemployment insurance. Then you have to decide: Do you sign a paper saying I will never finish my thesis, and throw away all the blood, sweat and tears of the last four years – because if you sign the paper you will get the unemployment insurance. OR do you try to find another job to pay your rent while you spend all your free time trying to finish the “£@&%$Thesis”. Much like you Anik, me, and so many of my friends have done. As I said, I was lucky, I have of course put some of my own money into my project, BUT if my colleague hadn’t come through for me… what choices do you have when you’re a mom…? Yep, the academic world is certainly not made for moms. And a single mom at that… Which is why I could CRY with joy at the moment, because (only 4 hours ago!) got offered a postdoc position (phew!). Now it’s at least 2 years before I have to “go crazy “ again.
Even after I’ve finished I’m still left with the question of WHY I did it?
Was it because all my Ph. D.-student friends seemed to live such happy lifes – great work hours, great salary, stress-free work environment, the total lack of obnoxious supervisors, hmmmm? I’ve concluded over the years that the only real answer to the WHY question is – because I’m stupid. No sane person would ever agree to this… because no three little letters look THAT good behind one’s name!
/A. Ph. D.
PS: Well there is of course a bonus: this spring, I (!) get to dress up in a fabulous evening gown, receive my awards at the ceremony (a doctoral ring, a diploma and a laurel wreath) drink champagne, eat a fancy dinner at the banquet and dance all night (in the arms of a lovely lady, whom I just asked and who did agree *smile*) woooohhooooo!
@Dear Swedish Ph.D.,
first of all, my heartfelt congratulations, both to developments in your personal and professional life!!
Thank you for sharing your story. I had no idea how the system works in Sweden. And while I wish your path to said laurel watch would have been less rocky, it is incer4dibly comforting to know others fight the same fight and face the same obstacles.
Hello Anik,
I find reading thru your blog very interesting. I never pursued academia past a bachelor’s in regard to business. However, it’s my understanding that the PHD process here in the U.S. is just as bad. Many folks have been stating in the news as of late how hard it is to continue their studies, especially with the decline of the US economy. The part-time positions are being snapped up by individuals whom usually work in an office environment as they have to makes ends meet, but their positions have been eliminated do to budget cuts..
On the other hand, I am thrilled to know you are still writiing fiction. “Campus” is by far my favored web read. I have read it many times. I admit to being curious about your dissertation, doubt very much I would understand it, but hey, whenever you publish I’ll give it a go.
Good Luck!