“And now I need a well-chilled beer, neither stirred nor shaken. –
Bond Girls Ladies, you wouldn’t believe the day I’ve had…!”
Dess Dee Mona & Dr. (Te)No(r)
(an “Otello”-inspired subtext spoof)
Dess Dee Mona’s jaw was long and bony, her chin a jutting V under the more flexible V of her mouth. Her nostrils curved back to make another, smaller V…
Things were running smoothly in Mamma Mona’s business.
“And? Do we have a deal?”
“Run that scheme by me again?” The tip of a stiletto heel tapped impatiently against the parquet.
“I take the three tenors off your back and get 50% of the ticket sales?”
“I hope I heard 15%, Elv.” Tap, tap, tap. “Done.”
“I’d be more careful about business with basses…” A voice from the sofa. At first sight, one of the service personnel, seeming oddly at ease on the pompous couch.
“Business?” Mona opted for guileless. “I’m just here to sing the Willow Song.”
“False modesty doesn’t become you.” At second sight, the physique beneath the demure clothes and the slight accent belied what had to be a KGB past. “Why do you think you’re sporting the sleek dress? – The really sleek, really fetching dress…”
Mona blinked. “And you are…?” It was neither the time nor the place to meet someone, least of all an agent who was most likely just out to disrupt her smoothly running operation.
The stranger shrugged. “I’d say I’m just taking care of tissues – “
” – but false modesty doesn’t become you, either.” Prudent or not, that accent was downright hypnotizing.
“Emilia Klebb, Secret Mezzo Service. I was sent to warn you about The Elv.”
“He’s put a contract out on you – to take down your contract.”
“Elv? – Don’t be ridiculous. He doesn’t get anywhere near the Willow Song!”
“Just be careful. It would be a shame if that dress would have to go without its model.”
That one caught Mona almost off her guard. Almost. “And here I thought I had the claim on mezzo charm staked…”
A dark canteen, deep in the basement. Mona had called a meeting, and she was calling the shots.
“Okay, tenor boys. In case you haven’t gotten it yet – which is entirely possible, since you are both tenors – You. Don’t. Mess. With. Mamma.”
“…there really shouldn’t be a audience for what will follow now.”
One trio later: one tenor stuffed into a cat costume, another settled with an absolutely wasted self-stabbing scene…
“Really, could it have been that easy? Baule beginners!”
Also, after that much tenor coloratura, a chilled, frothy beer was in order…
…but then Elv showed up and wanted his 15%. Mona just gave him “The Look”.
“Okay, honey, let me lay it down for you…”
“I just took care of these tenor gooons all on my own and you didn’t even contribute as much as the cat costume. And you really have the nerve to show up and ask for royalites?”
“Do you really want to mess with me?!”
“Fine, let’s settle this in a classic sing-off…”
Mona won. (Of course.)
But still there was no chance to enjoy that cold beer – noises and shots outside in the hallway!
Mona never knew what hit her.
(a bass and two tenors, one of them in a cat costume)
Luckily, Emilia Klebb in her standard secret-service-raincoat wasn’t far away.
“The ganged up on you to steal the Willow Song, I warned you about that bass!”
“Your voice isn’t half bad, either…” And waking up to it was definitely not the worst way of waking up that Mona could imagine.
In fact, with Secret Mezzo Service Agent Klebb, Mona would possibly have shared the Willow Song and turned it into a duet.
A lenghty duet.
A duet that, come to think of it, was oddly reminiscent of a certain Brahman priestess. Ah well, hadn’t it been “Viens, Emillika…” all along?
But then, the donwside of dating sexy Secret Mezzo Servive Agents: come next morning, they were always already on the way out to their next assignment…
But in comfort, Mona finally got to sing the Willow Song – all by herself!